I like who I am

I like who I am
when I'm with you
I become more centered
more balanced
more calm

I like who I am
when I'm with you

Snow

How beautiful is snow?

When it first arrives
So light and delightful

Some people love the thought of snow
And seek it out
Others hide away
In fear of the effects

Sometimes snow is fleeting
Gone before it has even had a chance
To stick
Other times snow hits so hard
That we are stranded and separated from the rest of the world

Some have never known snow
And others have experienced a variety of snows

So many different snows ...
No two snowflakes ever the same
Each snowflake has its own story.

Wishing you a white (snow filled) Christmas.

Reread the poem now and substitute the word LOVE everywhere it says SNOW.

Thankful - 2010

This Thanksgiving Day
I give thanks for the simple things
so often we take for granted

though I grumble of ..
I give thanks I can walk
Though it's not gourmet entrees,
we never go a day without food

Though distance divides us
and our paths cross too infrequently
I am thankful for my friends

Though the dishe remain in my sink
I am thankful for running water

Though interment may bring virus and spam
I am connected with friends and family wolrdwide

Though the economy frightens stability
I juggle my jobs to stay afloat

Though so many things are not quite what I'd anticipated
There is so much for which I am thankful

Mirage

I thought MAYBE
Just maybe
It was you-
There watching
Just out of reach
Maybe after so long
Endless waiting
But alas
I was mistaken
It was NOT you
But a mere mirage
Of who you might be
Some day
When the waiting
Is over

The Alternative

You make the rules
You say when – where – how
And because I am addicted to you
I comply
The alternative – the absence of you –
Your scent, your touch
Is unacceptable
I will proceed
For now
For as long as you choose
For it is better than the alternative

mundane

lone am I here
with my thoughts
a house full of stimuli
yet I remain numb - empty
inside turmoil hidden by a vague facade
boredom- loneliness - fear - apath
all fight for center stage
the audience applauds not
for the scene is mundane, common place

Time Warp

Time Warp
Sometimes I find myself
Wallowing, wondering, wandering
Floundering
In a time warp

All the clocks in my house
Inconsistent
Minutes differ from room to room
On certain days an hour can pass
With nary a move of the clock

So many hours are spent reminiscing
Photos, especially, touch my heart
A familiar snapshot can ??
Memory overload
Melancholic flash backs
Drive me to the past

Without skipping a beat
I’m yanked to the future
Wondering where I am going
So cliché – but so true
What do my tomorrows hold
Will my anticipations be met
Or trampled

This rubberband existence
Of yestertimes and the unknown
Cannot be tracked
By even a crystal ball
And I find myself lost
Unable to ground myself
Find myself
Enjoy myself
In the here and now

Not sure if I care

Not sure I care
Whether tomorrow’s sunrise is ever seen
or if the flowers of spring will survive the snow
Not sure I care
If my heart stops beating
Or the blood flowing through my veins
Not sure I care
What will come if my life ceases
Not sure I care if anyone cares

When I Touch You

When I touch you
My hands become conductors
My body tingles with electricity
My soul is recharged
When you touch me
My world explodes
And all my drama
Is blown to smithereens

Perception

Have you questioned
That what “is”
And its resemblance
Are not always the same
- A photograph captures details naked to the casual eye
- A shadow distorts color and size
- A mirror exaggerates flaws
- My reflection in your eyes feigns love
Perception - it isn't always what it is

Who ...

I'm looking for the "type" of man
who doesn't "need" me, but wants me,
who has his own life, but wants to share it,
who is witty and charming and polite,
but also sweet, sensitive and sensual,
who can make me laugh and who can hold me when I cry,
who can be as comfortable in a suit and tie as he is in blue jeans;
who isn't afraid to ask directions or admit he's wrong.
Do I have high standards? I do. Tired of settling ...

I think I would like

I think I would like
A life together
Quiet times – shared moments
Watching you on the field
Working in the yard
Playing with the dogs
Helping out a friend
Caressing my hand
I’m pretty sure I’d like that

I am

I am
a little too tall, too big,
a little too silly, too chatty,
a little too busy, too smart,
a little too rebellious, too boring
a little too independent, forward

For you

Day Pass

I like you.
It's too soon to move on.
I cannot commit to your heart.
I like you.
I cannot give you all you desire.
I like you.
I cannot invest my heart
I like you.
I cannot promise more than now.

I'm not ready for a season pass ...
Think I can get a day pass?

It's easy for me ...
to offer cliché advice:
tell you it will be better,
that time heals all wounds,
and this too shall pass.

It's easy for me ...
to suggest you move on:
break all ties
go out with friends
get a change of scenery

It's easy for me ...
to sit here and be positive
when it is not I who suffers the heartache of disappointed love

Without a Doubt

Without a doubt
You are my favorite distraction
When the drama surrounds me
You calm me
When tears threaten, you make me smile
When dark clouds loom, You guide the rainbow to my pot of gold
When my thoughts wander to worries, You bring me back to the here and now
You are my favorite distraction.

Traitor

Sometimes I feel
My body will shut down, Disengage, Collapse
Before I am even horizontal
Other times
I lay awake in he still of the dark
Feigning sleep.
My body is a traitor to itself
Mind racing – body aching
Relief escaping me

Perhaps

Perhaps it’s best
That our time together
Is sporadic
- Basically unplanned
- Inconsistent
That way
Always
You’re a wonderful surprise
- A rainbow on a cloudy day
- A bonus smile at day’s end
Perhaps what I am missing
Is not worth crying over.
I’d like the chance to know

Here and Now

I want you here
Next to me – now
Tomorrow – the next night
I just want to be able
To collapse and be caught
To cry and be comforted
To desire and be wanted
To love and be loved
Now – tonight – tomorrow

the want

My voice wants to call out
“Where re you?”
My fingers want to text
“Did you forget?”
My arms want to envelope you
But your are out of reach
My eyes want to see you
At my door step
My brain wants to forget
The hurt

confused . . .

Double standards

Mixed expectations

Contrary responses

Confusing signals

No absence of truth

No acceptance of reality

I Want To Be The One

I want to be the one
Who holds you as you fall asleep at night
Who greets you after a long bike ride
Who makes love to you during a thunderstorm
Who congratulates you after a game
Who holds you more than just once in a while
Who gazes into your eyes
Who loves you for the rest of my life . . . your life

I want to be "the one"

semblance of routine

How spoiled have I been

By this semblance of routine

How disappointed am I

By this recent divergence

I Wonder

I wonder about . . .
Where you are
Who you are with
What you’re thinking, feeling, dreaming
The few hours we share are few and far between
My favorite hours of the day

Spoiled

It’s cliché’, I know
But you have spoiled me beyond compare
In such a way
I cannot imagine
And yet
Each time I see you
It’s better
the interaction
the connection
the intention
I cannot wait to be spoiled again

Name dropper

Casually, I drop your name in conversations
My friend said . . .
My friend told me . . .
What I don’t say
Is that when you told me …
I was lying in your arms
Caressing your cheek,
Your hand on my thigh
Just a friend . . . I say . . .
But you are anything but “just”

A Good Thing

It’s a good thing
your kisses have no effect
That when you nuzzle my neck
I don’t melt
And when you caress my skin
I don’t sigh.
It’s a good thing
I can resist your persistence
And not shiver when you pull me close.
It’s a good thing
there’s no connection
or I would be sitting here daydreaming
and thinking of you
and things that will never be.
It IS a good thing.

This Path I Travel

Unfamiliar at times is this path I travel
Though I have guidance
Occasionally I need to redirect my life and “recalculate”
Twists and turns – unfamiliar
Throw me off from my destination
Whether the path is straight or curvy,
Light or dark,
I proceed with caution – undaunted
Unexpected roadblocks, detours, and construction do not deter me
So long as the destination is clear
Eventually I will find my way

Rebuff

It’s eating me up inside’

seeing you so distraught

alone in your suffering

while I am here so close

yet unable to comfort you

as you rebuff my approach

I want to wrap you in my arms

And tell you IT will be okay –

But I don’t know what “it “ is

And likely never will

I love you always

No matter what