Happy New Year!

Happy New Year one and all
It’s time to drop the Times Square Ball
Clean out closets; Start anew
Make a list of what (not) to do
Sing Old Lang Syne; And kiss loved ones
Go out, get crazy and have some fun
New year comes but once a year
So make the most and ring in good cheer!

Snippets of Christmas

Although Christmas Day lasts but 24 hours
That which precedes and that which follows -
just as valuable
Christmas is a patchwork of snippets
The scattered elements coming together
To make Christmas . . . CHRISTMAS

LOVE
snow days
donning antlers
frolicking in the snow
kissing under the mistletoe
shoveling out after a blizzard
selecting just the right gift card
wearing festive holiday sweaters
getting photos taken on Santa's lap
Ho Ho Ho
placing the angel on top of the tree
sticking out tongue to catch snowflakes
browsing catalogs and making a wish list
exchanging Secret Santa gifts with coworkers
taking a family portrait to share with loved ones
begging to open "just one" present Christmas Eve
hanging cherished stockings on the fireplace mantel
slowly driving through light bedecked neighborhoods
-- a light extravaganza --
finding the perfect stocking stuffer, the yearly ornament
humming along to classic carols playing over the loud speaker
watching holiday classics: Rudolph, Charlie Brown, Grinch, Frosty
reciting memorized lines and singing along
writing the family Christmas letter recapping the year's highlights
reconnecting with old friends through the news they share
sporting green and red socks with cute kittens or penguins in Santa hats
sipping hot cocoa with mini marshmallows after sledding down "the big hill"
decorating homemade holiday sugar cookies with fondant frosting and sprinkles
the lighting of the community Christmas tree at City Hall wile a local choir sings
donating to Salvation Army bell ringers, who despite the freezing cold, still have a
"Bless you, Merry Christmas"
HAPPY HOLLYDAYS

The Memory Tree

The Christmas tree, each unique.
An undeniable symbol of the season
Often bedecked in blinking lights
Glittering ornaments, sparkling tinsel
Has become a memory tree.

My tree is not glamorous
Nor noteworthy in an aesthetic sense
But it is unique and remarkable,
A one of a kind mirror of me, my life

A new friend of mine
Said to me, “I like your memory tree”
Curious as to what she meant,
A few minutes explaining she spent

Each ornament has its own life and carries special treasures
Each ornament represents joys and simple life measures
Tears filled my heart as I recalled all the melancholic pleasures

Decorating the tree is more of a ceremony
One by one, memories are hung on the tree
Brought back to life with stories told
“Oh look, your grandfather carved that just for you”
“This is from our family vacation”
“Remember when she collected bears”
With each ornament, I reminisce
Baby’s first Christmas,
Homemade yarn snowmen
A ballerina and a miniature baseball mitt
A brittle vintage ornament

As each ornament carefully transcends
From its tissue covered comfort
To the bright exhibition for all to see
A new tradition unfolds
Celebrating each adornment

And even now as I hang my brand new musical note
I note its significance and know that next year
this will become a new memory
For the memory tree

A tear trickles down my cheek
As my finger tenderly traces the delicate ornament
That once bedecked my family’s tree
Some memories are more poignant than others

My memory tree changes
Every year
My life grows and changes
Other people bear witness
Reminiscing of similar life patterns
Yearly we return to the memory tree

This evergreen not a mere host to lights and tinsel
Remember elves, ornaments and such

Each unique in history and symbolism
Each marking milestones and memories

Don't Forget

Displays of lights line the streets in the city
Parades and parties and everything pretty
Everyone rushing, here and there
The essence of Christmas is filling the air

You can see it aglow in the smiles of faces
laughter peals out from the quietest places
The awe at the falling of winter’s first snow
Is often hidden to shoppers on the go

Stockings and candy canes,
No not just mint
The spirit is growing,
If you need a hint
That soon families and friends
Will gather, unite
It’s a remarkable time
For doing what’s right

Sharing and giving, singing carols and more
The true meaning of Christmas can’t be bought in a store
Reminiscing while hanging each ornament bright
Believing in Santa, the magic, that night

In the rush and madness you just may forget
About the joy of your family buried under the debt
It’s not the gifts or the cards or the money you spend
It’s all about caring and love in the end.

No Christmas

I don’t want Christmas this year
I don’t want joy and cheer.

Save the wrappings and my gift.
This year I don’t give a shit.

I don’t want holly or mistletoe.
I don’t want that cold white stuff called snow.

Don’t sing carols fa la la la la
Don’t bother me with bah humbugh blah

I don’t want Santa and his sleigh
I killed Rudolph the other day.

Don’t dress up in “gay apparel”
No Frosty movies or Christmas Carol

I’m not sending Christmas cards with updates on my life
Who would want to read the retelling of my strife

No parades, no giant tree
No decorations, no visits from me.

Don’t bake cookies or that fruitcake
No darling homemade presents make.

No traditions: no stars, no trees
Just let it all go away this year please.

Christmas is in the air

Merry Christmas .. Happy Hollydays!

I've decided to post some of my holiday poems from over the recent years. Some are more festive than others. :D

Plant a garden

Plant a garden
Each element in the right season
Not too soon… for it will not take root
Not too late … for it will not have time to be nourished

Plant a garden
And tend it lovingly
Remove weeds and pests that tempt to interfere
Season with fertilizer and stimulate growth

Plant a garden
Remember its purpose
Harvest the fruits
And cut back non growth

** Plant a garden = Start a relationship

Yours

You want me to tell you
I will be yours for always

Yours to contact at random hours
(but I cannot contact you)
Yours to meet in clandestine locations
(but never in pubic locations)
Yours to call your own
(but I cannot claim you)
Yours to please you
(but you will not satisfy me)
Yours to follow directions
(but I dare not make requests)
Yours wholeheartedly
(but to expect a noncommittal attitude)
Yours to gaze into your eyes
(but not to look for your soul)

I want to be yours … minus the parenthetical exceptions
I want you to be mine … plus so much more

Time for a Change

Time for a change
No more settling
For that which doesn’t meet
My standards
No more squandering
Skills, talents, passion
With the undeserving, the unappreciative
No more reactionary measures
Stop gap, temporary quick fixes
that provide fleeting relief from

What traits

What traits manifest attraction?
height financial status
eyes sense of humor
build lifestyle
hair sex appeal
personality education
availability a certain “Je ne sais quoi”

We each have our own preferences

Of these qualities
Upon which criteria do we insist be met?
- for just a date?
- for a life time commitment?
What compromises can be made?
What exceptions unacceptable?

At what risk do we draw that line?

How long?

How long has it been since …
I longed for someone because he could fulfill me completely:
mentally,
emotionally,
creatively,
physically

Oh yeah, AND HE has longed for the same with me?

How long has it been since …
I wondered beyond his next contact with me:
the next conversation,
the next e-mail,
the next text message
the next touch
Oh yeah, AND HE wondered anxiously for next contact from me?

How long has it been since . . .
I met someone who fulfilled me on so many levels:
thinking outside the box,
writing love poems,
laughing,
trembling,
changing my thoughts on the words “promise” and “trust”
Oh yeah, AND I fulfilled HIM, too.

How long has it been since …
All the pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place:
My heart has felt whole
My body satisfied
My mood stable
My life complete
Oh yeah, AND HE has found the solution to HIS complicated life in me.

How long has it been?
Way too long
How much longer will it be ? Soon …. I hope

Thanksgiving 08

On this day of Thanksgiving
Abandon
your worries
your misgivings
your loneliness
your depression
your certainty that things will never be right

Think not about
Things you cannot control
politics nor economy
people and things lost
dreams out of reach
arguments and dissention
backyard wars

Search your heart for that which is true and real –
That which you have,
no matter how tentative,
how simple:
a roof over your head,
food in your stomach
clothes on your back
a right to free education

And then think a minute more
And realize how many people love you
No matter how imperfect the love
No matter the confines of that love friendship

And GIVE THANKS

Your pain, discomfort, suffering, sorrow, situation
Unlike any I have had, though I’ve had my share,
Scares me
Too easily could I stumble
Too easily could your woe become my own.
For now I stand here grounded, hand extended to you


“There but for the grace of God go I.”

So Many Poems

So many poems already exist

Enumerating the joys, the sorrows, the bliss

Of relationships over or just starting out

Smiles and tears, an occasional pout

Roller coasters and reruns, dinner and a show

Holding hands, sharing glances, faces aglow

No two affairs of the heart are the same

Some are like work and others a game

Poetry reflects the many perspectives

Open our eyes and make us reflective

So read all you can and accept that which fits

Ignore all the rest ‘cause they’re probably shit

I don’t believe in promises,
but I do believe in trust.
Questioned on this
at first I didn’t have a response,
but now I know.
A promise is but words based on the giver’s attempt at commitment to something.
Trust is based on what the receiver has come to believe about the giver’s capability to follow through.


Definitions from Wikipedia:
“Trust is a prediction of reliance on an action, based on what a party knows about the other party.“

A promise is a psychological contract indicating a transaction between two persons whereby the first person undertakes in the future to render some service or gift to the second person or devotes something valuable now and here to his or her use.

Some quotes on topic:
“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”

“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”

“I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.”

“Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself.”

“People who have given us their complete confidence believe that they have a right to ours. The inference is false, a gift confers no rights.”

“Promise little and do much”

How many times?

Just how many times
Will I allow myself to fall prey to your promises
I want to believe in you and your words
But they are like sand in a sieve
You question me for questioning you
Yet my doubt is real and founded in false assurances
You say you want me … you need me
But you neglect me
And I let you get away with it
Just how many times
Will I allow myself to fall prey
No more
(till the next time ... I am weak)

Autumn

Even as we speak
The colors are changing
Vibrant oranges, rich reds, brilliant yellows
The temperature drops a tad more each night
Cornfields become corn mazes
Leaves fall, burying latent signs of summer
Days shorten
A magical transformation in preparation for winter
Oh amazing autumn

Home zone – war zone

Home zone – war zone

If these two factions cannot find truce
What hope is there for nations
Fighting for their home land

Shrapnel lodged in the memory
Of harsh words launched years ago

Torrent of emotions: fear, pain, jealousy resentment, loneliness, abandonment, favoritism

Insults launched like hand grenades
Even a simple meal can lead to hand to hand combat

Threats of torment
Sneak attacks on personal property
Intrusion on solitude of day to day life

Rare tides of calm exist just long enough
To lead to a false sense of security

Both sides deny the responsibility
Of being a catalyst for outbursts of chaos
Both innocent in their own minds

Although attacks are not directed at me,
Switzerland - the motherland,
I am injured by the fall out
A prisoner of war in my own home
I want to flee for shelter
For refuge pandemonium and turmoil
But I am bound by commitment to this place I call home.

So Vivid

So vivid was my dream
that when I awoke
I was surprised to find a tear,
not your hand,
caressing my cheek.

When I extended my arms
To pull you to me
all I got was an embrace of air –
empty even of your scent

Your lips did not linger on mine
Your eyes did not gaze at me

But yet your memory,
Imbedded in my mind,
was real.

On This Night

On this night
if I fall asleep
you will see a smile on my face.
And if you trace my lips
with your fingertips,
you will find the echo of your name
lingering there.
And if you place your ear
against my beating heart,
you will hear the rhythm
of our last dance.
And if you could read my mind
you would know
that it is you I'm dreaming of.
(from 99)

My ship is sinking

My ship is sinking
Though furtively I plug holes
It is futile
I race side to side
In an attempt to prelude loss
But as a result
The bolt is rocking
About to flip
No longer can I see the shoreline
nor the hues of blue
The once gentle swaying
Feels more like turbulence
I am seasick
I am drowning
Throw me a life jacket

Touch Therapy

Touch therapy: it’s what I need
 to caress your cheek
 to run my hands through your hair
 to intertwine my fingers with yours
 to stroke your chest
 to feel the warmth of your body as it radiates heat
 to purr to the rhythm of your heartbeat
 to experience contact, head to toe
 to relax in your safety net
 to remember I am alive
Alas ... you are not here to touch

Memories

Memories sustain us:
Reminders of heartfelt moments,
outstanding accomplishments,
and endearing encounters

Memories constrain us:
Reminiscences of painful detachment,
unfathomable failure,
and loss of control

Memories … a catalyst to pursue or relinquish dreams

Past threatens

Just when the past
Threatens to tighten its melancholic binds
Precluding movement into the future
The present barges in
Demanding to be reckoned with

Por eso

Appreciate all that is and can be
Dwell not on “what ifs” and “if onlys”
For someday today will be but a memory
And tomorrow will be forever out of reach

after

What refrains
Echo in your mind
Long after
The music
Has stopped?

Between

Between

Between
Addresses, destinations, jobs
Now and forever
Floors, on the landing
What was and what will be
Then and eternity
Heaven and hell
Heartache and true love
The sheet and the blanket
The lines on the pavement
Sunset and sunrise
Between it all
Is me


Now
Neither here not there
Not a baby or an “elder”
Somewhere out there
Not flagrant, not plain
Neither asleep nor awake
But a different
State of consciousness.
Not only in between,
But also all inclusive.
Better than on the edge,
In between is safe and comfortable,
With a low affective filter
Allowing me acquisition of
New language, life skills, love

Take Time to Wait

Take time to wait

He waits

For hues and contrasts to elegantly pose
For restless clouds to play king of the hill
For wispy yellow pink highlights to play peek-a-boo
For branches to frolic in the evening air

And he waits

For the setting sun to calm the western skyline
For the gentle breeze to unfurl the flag

And he waits

For the perfect composition
For the perfect setting captured
Patiently
He waits

But if he waits too long
The moment will be gone

Don't Be Afraid of the Darkness

When my kids were little, I used to sing to them every night at bedtime. Usually the songs were a combination of campfire songs or old classics with modifcations in the lyrics so that they applied to my kids. One night I started singing, making up a song about not being afraid of the dark. After singing a verse or two I was asked to sing it again. I hadn't really thought about what I was singing, but I managed to recreate it. After they fell asleep, I wrote down th words. Slowly but surely I continued to add more verses and tweak what I had each night. Some day I'd like to make a children's book with the words and make a recording to accompany it. (Don't worry, it wouldn't be my voice.) Here's the song/poem:

Don’t be Afraid of the Darkness


Don’t be afraid of the darkness,
’cause it’s a special time
when you can see the lights
that you couldn’t see when the lights were on.

So don’t be afraid to turn off the light,
you just may be surprised
by all the lights and shadows
that appear right before your eyes.

The stars shine a little bit brighter;
the moon comes out from behind a dark cloud;
the street lamp in the distance
shares it s light both near and far.

The light sneaks down the hallway
and underneath your door.
The light you see in the darkness
is like none you’ve seen before.

A nightlight can ease your worries
And chase away the gloom
The beams of a passing car outside
brighten your night black room

A flashlight under the blankets
a hug from your teddy bear
don’t fret, don’t frown because you know
morning will soon be there

So next time when the lights go out
and you start to feel some dread,
don’t be afraid of the darkness
just remember what I’ve said.

Soon it will be tomorrow
the night will be but a memory
the sunrise of the morning
will put the darkness to bed

So don’t be afraid to turn off the light,
you just may be surprised
by all the lights and shadows
that appear right before your eyes.

Don’t be afraid of the darkness,
‘cause it’s a special time
when you can see the lights
that you couldn’t see when the lights were on.

Simple Joys

In the middle of chaos, of a word full of turmoil
It is in the small things I find simple joy:
o An unsolicited hug from my teenagers
o A compliment on my teaching
o A snuggle from a fuzzy kitten
o A rainbow filling the sky
o A call from a long lost friend
o A smile from a passing stranger
o A touching Hallmark commercial
o A wave of hand at an intersection,
o A sink empty of dirty dishes
o A $10 bill in a pocket of last season’s jacket
o A good night’s sleep
o A chat with you

Was It Just Yesterday?

Was it just yesterday
Or yesteryear
That we gazed into each other’s eyes?
Was it but my imagination
The veracity of our connectedness?
No words were spoken
Of tomorrows or forever,
No promises made to be broken.
Secure with the knowledge
It was what it was, and nothing else
I close my eyes and sigh.

Music Permeates Our Lives

While in the car we sing old favorites
while at pre-school, rhyming songs
in church we sing praise to God
on VH1 we hear the top 40s
while roasting marshmallows we sing campfire songs
advertising jingles relentlessly stick in our heads
at sports events we sing the national anthem
or our school fight song
at bed time, a lullaby
yon the dance floor, "our song"
in the shower, the car, the church, the classroom
country, jazz, rock, contemporary, international
eight track, cassettes, records, compact discs
phonograph, record player, walkman, boom box
jingle, ballad, love song, fight song
it sells, it soothes, it energizes, it romanticizes
Music does so much.
Music permeates our lives.

She Catches the Words

She catches the words
And puts them on paper
Which she hides away in the darkness

And the candles no longer burn
And the moon is hidden behind the clouds
And the shine in her eyes is gone

The words will not lead you there directly
The path is not an easy one
Not for the weak at heart

What do you care about
When you fall into my words
Into my eyes
Into my life …

I will catch you

While reading lines of poetry
I noticed that I was not alone
Anymore

I listen and I think I hear you there
I thought I saw you there
And again over there?

The words of the poem come wafting on the breeze
Like a pleasant gentle perfume

I can’t find my way
Anymore

But I know he is there
And I’ll follow the words
I don’t care about the risk
I don’t care about the difficulty
Anymore

So I let myself fall
And I fall in
I fall into the fountain of words that is you.

Store your Secrets

Where do you keep/hide/store your secrets?
• Under your socks
• In a locked box
• A sealed envelope
• A deep hole like buried treasure
• In the depths of your soul
• Behind a wall in your heart
• In an old black backpack
• In a discarded photo album
• In the imaginary confines of your brain
• Under your bed
• In the confidence of your trusted friend
• In a personal diary
• In the words of a poem

It matters not .. .
What do you do with those secrets?
Or what they do to you?

Do they . . .
• Trap you?
• Lay mute?
• Give you nightmares
• Make you cry out in the night?
• Stifle you?
• Depress you?
• Caress you?
• Haunt you?
• Control you?
• Mold you?

Or are they well kept … wherever it is you keep/hide/store them?

In my queen sized bed

As I lie here in my queen sized bed
My blanket pulled up to my chin
To fight the night’s chill
Before sleep whisks me away
I find my thoughts wandering
To you in your bed so many miles away
Are you under the covers? Or on top?
Are you naked?
Do you sleep to one side or commandeer the middle
Do you like to be held as you fall asleep,
Maintaining contact throughout the night?
Or do you prefer your space as you slumber?
Sleep beckons me now …
I will succumb …
To be with you in my dreams.

Darkness calls my name

as darkness calls my name ... and begs me to sleep ... I strain to stay awake ... one more minute .. one more hour ... in the hopes of seeing you ... alas my heavy eye lids have won .. and the bed will be my keeper ... sweet dreams my sweet.

Time passes … and still we wait to be together

Face it

And as you face the unforeseen winds
Fear not that which awaits you
Embrace it
Cherish it
Return to share your dreams and visions

Trying to make sense

Trying to make sense

Too many showers have fallen.
Clouds of turbulence
Disrupt my sunshiney disposition,
Create a storm in my life.

When unexpectedly
A brilliant, awe-inspiring rainbow
Leaves me breathless
And I long for the unattainable pot of gold

After captured in time
By the magic of photography,
The rainbow abruptly fades away
Leaving the nothingness that previously existed

The photograph of that rainbow
And the memory it represents remain
But in time, they too will fade.

hasta la luna

tú a mí me gustas
desde la tierra hasta la luna
de ida y vuelta caminando

la distancia de monterrey a Michigan es lejana
pero tu amor y el mío
la hacen corta

te veo

te veo y me ves pero todo es nuevo
lagrimas no caen
y sonrisas brillan el día
aunque la distancia nos separa
nuestra conexión nos conecta
y mis ojos ven que sí todavía hay espero
lo veo en ti

No estaba buscando nada

No estaba buscando nada
Ese día
Pero te encontré
Yo, como de costumbre,
Te dije direcciones
Y tú, sin saber, las recibiste
Las primeras palabras mías

Y empezamos

A platicar, charlar, hablar, comunicar
De muchas cosas: familia, música, amor
Y lo que realizamos
Es que juntos
Tú y yo
Sonreímos más
Y esto es lo más importante

I fell in love

I’ve loved, lusted, been enamored
Been loved, been on both sides of unrequited love

When I was just five I first fell in love
But my daddy said, “He’s no good; his dad’s a drunk”

When I was ten I fell in love
With a boy in my class
But my daddy said, “He’s no good; he’s black.”

When I was 16 I feel in love
But I quickly found out he was just being nice

When I was 17 I fell in love
But I realized he wanted only one thing

When I was 18 I fell in love
But my dad said, “He’s no good for you.
He’s a wanderer with a motorcycle.”

When I was 21 I fell in love
And it was so real and right,
But he was scared. He fled.

When I was 25 I fell in love
But the support and love ended; I left.

When I was 37 I fell in love online,
But he was married
And in real time, we didn’t click

When I was 40 I fell in love
It was sporadic and he wasn’t ready to commit
As I wasn’t “the one.”

When I was 43 I fell in love
and he treated me like a princess,
but I wasn’t ready to be royalty,
so I sent him away.

At 45 I fell in love
but I didn’t have the right
For his heart was not available.

And now, I’m not in love.
And it is okay. Next??

And then ...

And then . . .
After . . .
I thought I would flee
Return to my empty bed
Allowing you your space
Your independence
Your life
. . . not wanting to cross any emotional lines
Even though our bodies
Had already erased any physical one that existed
But still …
My instincts screamed
And you invited me to stay
And I did
Next to you, by your side
Through the remains of the night
In the morning
The dreaded morning
Desire to stay . . . reluctance to leave
Voice in my head crying “run!”
But we kissed. You hugged me. We talked.
We were still good.

I worrry too much

Perhaps I worry too much
Perhaps not enough
My interaction with you
Taunted by my intentions
Too open
Too closed
I cannot find the balance.
I need balance.

The Confidentiality Clause

The Confidentiality Clause

What is it about confidentiality clauses
That makes them so secretive?
So mysterious?
So clandestine?
So indicative of wrong doing?

Having one of my very own
Has forced me to close the box
In which I have stored memories
Good and bad
Less my story be told

My back is turned to that which I cannot reference
Leaving a gap in my past and a hole in my future

Ever since I was a little girl,
Playing school with my dolls
Reading books to my stuffed animals
Solving math problems for fun on my chalk board
I knew I would be a teacher
Just like so many of my relatives before me.

Junior year in high school
I, like so many of students before
And decades of students after
Took an aptitude test
Confirming my inclination towards being a teacher

Although stewardess, cow girl, and massage therapist
Were other careers in my top five,
There never seriously existed
Any competition for my career path of education.

My love for teaching, my passion
Grew with every classroom of students I greeted.
So many times, my commitment
now exhausted
Accused me of having a mistress: my steady job

And now I wonder … should I leave
Break up
Find a new lover

A Few Words

I suppose this would be a good a time as any to say that these poems are not posted in any certain order. They range from recent (just written today) to very old (as in at least 30 years ago). The catalysts for my inspiration have varied greatly and will continue to change, I imagine, day to day. My main topics are about falling in and out of love, family, friends, grief, nature and music. Once in a while I will think ... "hmmm ... I should write a poem for ______ or a poem about _____. But usually my pen just calls to me and says "It's time to write" and I write. I hope you enjoy.

I'm Not Done With You Yet

I’m not done with you yet
There’s still so much I want to do
With you
For you
To you
Because of you

So much to share
Stories to share
Jokes to tell
Hugs to exchange
Lessons to learn
Tears to cry
Songs to sing
Joys to discover
I’m not done with you yet

I Dance!

It Matters Not . . . I Dance!

A ballerina I am not,
Though my love of dance is strong
Tapping my toe to every song
Feeling the music fill my body
Till every muscle is full of motion.

One cannot truly dance without a smile
Plastered securely,
Highlighting sparking eyes.

Music fills my soul
And all my being.

Swaying slowly
Or stomping feet
To the rhythm:
A square dance
A quick romance
The hokey poky
The hustle
The tango
The Macarena
A masquerade
A holiday parade

Slow or silly sophisticated or hillbilly,
What matters is the dance

Measure Time

We measure time in so many ways
While holding our breath … seconds
When running the mile … minutes
(lots of them for me)
a movie in hours
a semester in weeks
a year in seasons
a life in years
and a relationship in experiences . . .

first e-mail, first phone call, first irl date
first kiss, first hug, first overnight late
new restaurants, new movies, new places to go
new just for us . . . new jewelry to show
misunderstandings, separating rifts
insanity issues, random gifts
time to talk, to play, to work, to scheme,
time to wonder, to grow, to laugh, dream
all of these times mark the passing of us

no matter the incident
however time’s marked
what matters the most
is time together in heart

How Old Am I?

How Old Am I?
Sometimes at night
I curl up in the fetal position
before I fall asleep.
Clutching my teddy bear,
I read bedtime stories
and laugh out loud.
When I see hopscotch
“chalked” on the cement,
I must play.
The candy in the checkout lane tempts me.
My mom buys me things
‘cause I’m her little girl.
I look both ways
before crossing the street
and I hold hands with my little friends.
Arthur and Barney are role models in my home.
I know all the songs.
When I hear music, I begin to sing, dance and clap my hands.
Scary movies give me nightmares.
Every morning I pack my lunch for school.
I sleep alone
in a queen size bed.
How old am I?
I’m the mom, don’t ask.

Who would think

Who would think
that behind old prom dresses and graduation gowns
under moth-bitten sweaters
in a box with the four flaps
tucked under one another
beneath old school pictures,
an outdated magazine with laughable fashions
and a pile of over due bills
is a dust covered wallet
whose measly contents are limited:
a temporary license stapled to its predecessor
a work ID, and a big screen movie card
hidden in a secret zippered pocket
is the movie ticket stub
you told me to save forever just because.
And now the memories overwhelm me more than they should
and I tuck them back away
for another day.

This man

I know not this man
Who calls --- just because
Who says not the words
But shows that he loves
This stranger I have met
And newly befriended
After years of animosity
I know not what turned the key
But this man
Has always meant the world to me
This man --- I call my dad

Friendship

Friendship –
An irreplaceable gift
That can only be shared
Not given or taken
Friendship
Cannot and should not
Be defined or destroyed
By any one event, action or word
Friendship
A bond that endures
Time, distance, neglect and mistakes in judgment
Friendship
Not determined by age, location
Financial or social status
Race or place
Friendship
As strong as ,
Durable and everlasting
Yet, as fragile as glass
To be treated and treasured with care
Friendship
Worth the effort ….

Silent Tears

Silent tears fill my eyes
as my heart swells,
my throat tightens
and I begin to shake

What releases the floodgate that holds my memories in tack?
o A song on the radio or a melody hummed by an unknown passerby
o a subtle scent or a whiff of perfume, perhaps ode de watermelon bubble gum
o a holiday celebration full of familiar traditions
o a threatening thunderstorm or a gentle rain shower
followed by a double rainbow
o an echo of your voice on the wind
o a dream that awakens me in the middle of the night
o the reflection of your smile in a child’s eyes
o a photograph depicting a captured moment in time whether stoic or comic

So many waters at constant battle, this barrier at my emotional dam
but not one tear, not one memory will I lose.
I will remember and treasure each ... always.

What is Real?

What is real?

If a blind man cannot see the colors of a rainbow

If a deaf man cannot hear the wind whispering in the leaves

If a mute cannot speak words of passion

If a man cannot distinguish cherry from strawberry

If a man cannot smell the perfume of a field of flowers

If a man and woman share the intimacy of love but have never touched

Is it still real?

Dream of Me

Dream of me …
You whispered just before we parted
Think sweet thoughts of you and me
Dream of me
Caressing your face, gazing deep into your eyes
Nuzzling and kissing the nape of your neck
Dream of me
The warmth of my body aligned with yours
Slipping gently into slumber
Dream of me
Before your last thoughts are of tomorrow
And today is gone forever
Dream of me
And I will dream of you

Unattainable

Why do we want so badly

That which is not available

Out of our league

Out of our price range

Out of our zip code

Out of control

Out of circulation


Why do we want so badly

That which is not available?


It is because it is unavailable.


So when we can not attain it,

We can justify

The loss is not so great

Parallel Lives

Whatever I write wouldn't suffice

To express the angst

That permeates and hibernates

Within you … within me.

Serendipity

Has befriended us

Allowing our parallel lives

to intertwine

when both so needed this contact

The essence of your scent

The sparkle of life in your eyes

The warmth of your personality

The tenderness of your touch

The passion in your heart

Have not withered to extinction


Let me remind you what it is to live.

Sweet Addiction

What sweet addiction is this which surges through my body to my very soul?

What urges me to seek more, to embrace the emotion of the rush?

What habit will I form if I succumb to the poison you call love?

How easily does this want control my thoughts … my desires.

When again will the sweetness of your words bathe me in caresses?

What illusion of intent have I created in my blissful unawareness?

Absence of Truth

How honest must I be with you?

With myself?

So many lies and omissions

Floating around us –

Like dust particles

Inoffensive –till someone stirs them

Or shines the light

To expose them

And even though

Nothing has changed-

Everything is different

Except the absence of truth

Esperándote

Esperándote
Para oír tu voz
tocar tu piel
sentir tus labios
oler tu olor

ver tu sonrisa


Esperándote
Como el día, la noche
la luna, el sol
la lluvia, el arco iris
la orilla, la ola


Esperándote

Hasta el día
La hora
El minuto
El segundo
Que estamos juntos otra vez

Hasta cuando no tengo que esperarte más

I Cry

I cry . . .

Not to bring her back,

But to bring me back.

Tears

My tears have already dried

and yet,

they have not been shed

the not knowing

what tomorrow will bring

is overwhelming,

scary,

saddening

These tears

recycled

to be used again.

Wipe not my tears away

for they may be

my only memory

of you.

Nonchalance

I feign nonchalance, indifference

And at times

Almost convince myself

But I know too well

The signs of sorrow, longing, of emptiness

My façade cannot disguise

The reflection in the mirror

The reflection in your eyes

I Can't Breathe

How many hours

can these tears fall

before they dry up?

How long can I gasp for air

between sobs?

How long will my chest heave

with each breath I take?

How long will I write into the night?



I don't remember the last time I cried myself to sleep.

It scares me, my feelings

But they will fade

I should have known,

Tested the water


I know it wasn't your plan …

To hurt me

But it happens.


I can't breathe

Concentric Circles

Put on the spot about my emotions, my feelings

I flounder; I hesitate; I vacillate…

Such as what my emotions, feelings do towards you

Our circles, as you call them, intersect, but are not concentric

Yet when they do meet … they vibrate

A certain connection … we energize each other

When I'm with you, when I have your undivided attention

I feel special … desired

And when the attention is elsewhere, I am content

Knowing I am still your friend, albeit in the shadows

And when apart … I know … you know

We proceed independently …

Each dealing with the challenges that life brings us

Each attempting to juggle what conflicts are thrown at us

Each trying to hold on to that which keeps us sane

And a part of that …


a special part of that …


is the unique friendship we share

(Written for Randy ... may he rest in peace)

Even When

Even when

The music has died

The miracles have faded

And the clouds have lingered and blocked the sun …

Give one more hug.

Think not of yourself:

Your needs

Your worries

Your pains

Your sorrows

Just give one more hug.

And then another.

And then wait …

For the music, the miracles and the sun

To reappear

I May Have Fallen

I may have fallen for those eyes,
But I stayed for the way you look at me.
I may have fallen for the sexy curve of your lips,
But I stayed for the way they say my name.
I may have fallen for your charm and witty banter,
But I stayed for the sincerity and directness.
I may have fallen for your sensual kisses and your embrace,
But I stayed for the lingering touch and shivering down my spine.
I may have fallen for all the wrong reasons,
But I stayed for all the right ones.

A Glimpse of Your Heart

A glimpse of your heart
Was all I got
And you left me yearning for more
To know the depths of your soul,
The intensity of the man
Behind the words

A glimpse of your passion
Was all I got
And you left me yearning for more
To know the depths of your sensuality,
The intensity of the man
Behind the touch

A glimpse of your life
Was all I got
And you left me yearning for more
To know the depths of your experiences,
The intensity of the man
Behind the joys and burdens

A glimpse of you
Was all I got
And you left me yearning for more
To know the depths of your motivation,
The intensity of the man
Behind the inspiration

She'd Been Waiting

She'd been waiting ...
(written for my brother Paul and his new bride)

She'd been waiting for him
And he, for her

Not for an hour or a day
But for a lifetime

Long before ever acknowledging
The other's existence in this realm
The need had begun

She knew … he knew ….
What would make the world complete

And yet obstacles, disappointments
Misconstrued relationships
Eons spent wondering, wandering
In a maze of oblivion
A plethora of emptiness
Kept them apart

But now,
After so many lost yesterdays and misplaced tomorrows
Forever is not long enough
for all the smiles in the morning,
naps in the afternoon,
kisses in the evening
and whispers in the night

She'd been waiting
For him
And he, for her
And at last …
. . . the waiting is over

Rules

RULES

Society dictates
That we live by certain rules
Behave like well trained puppies
Such as we are taught.

Rules control success, safety, pleasure, conformity
Some rules are cast in stone
Some rules vary by setting, situation, players

Laws of nature
Cannot be denied
Social norms prevail
Laws and guidelines
Regulations
Employment policies
License restrictions
But ultimately ... rules

And yet as individuals
Amongst all these imposed conventions
We insist on the creation of our own personal rules-
personal preferences, limitations, expectations

Which are the hardest to obey?
Extrinsic or intrinsic
Self enforced, I think.

What circumstances?
What consequences?
What contradictory behavior most rewarding?

Self enforced, I think.

Recycled Words

These words
Normal, well used
Are recyclable
Like glass, cardboard, plastic
And the emotions they represent
Nothing special
Webster has nothing on Shakespeare

What word picture you paint
The canvas you choose
The composition, the vision
It's all how you mix your paint
How you blend your words
For the right mixture
Of fantasy and reality
Of truth and fiction

Step One

My blog is not going to include rants about the world and life's wrongdoings. It's probably not going to hold a diary of what's going on in my life. But, what it is going to contain is my poetry. I have been wrting it for over 30 years. Some of what I post will be old, and some of it will be recent. You may find you can relate to some of what I write .. if so .. cool. If not, click the X and move on. I've been told I should publish. This is the first step, I guess. I'm open to feedback. (Just don't crush my fragile feelings, please.) Thanks to all of you who have been my inspiration, my muses.